let it be...

the night.
the day.
nothing change.
the river still flows.
so...
let it flows.

dull

it's holiday.
sleep.
lethargic.
sleep
gym
swim
eat
wakeboard
brain dead.
no inspiration.
aye sleep.
yawn~

dark

the dark side beckons.
as arrows pierced
nothing we can do.
it falls.
grey out the sky
and dull the mood.
we can only surrender.

someday

today.
colour was stolen.
in shade of grey, black and white,
rain strike mercilessly on us.
look up.
you wonder when it will stop.
will it stop?
i hope.
rainbow may bloom.
awaiting...

hoping.

of the summer.
the last.
the next.
always the summer.
missed.
another to come.
will it come?
what will i do?
hoping.
expecting
yearning.
desiring.
yet unsure.

no idea.

somehow.
never get it.
again.
nevermind.
maybe.
one day?

another?

another one?
or.
just me?
should.
sleep.
somehow.
i refuse.

out

it been sometimes.
laid back.
night.
out.
as it plays.
i watched.
aye.
so do stars gaze back?
maybe.

3

3 years.
an instant.
today.
seem.
yesterday.
that very day.

i can't.

sorry.
i can't.
don't know how.
don't you just.
hate me.

where's it?

time.
wasted.
correlation.
zero.
wake.
none.
sucks.

scent

that butterfly.
a flower.
smell the scent.
familiar and similar.
the flower.

something else...

this will be slightly longer.
life is....
why this question again? because... that's what are here for.
our thoughts are the damnest, most powerful invention that someone come up with.
we think.
then we contradict.
be strong. we said. but damn we are weak.
move on. we said. but damn we don't.
forgive. we said. no, we hate.
forget. we said. no, it haunts.

a smile or just...
optimism or just...
what's everything for?
what are we for?
for love. we said.
for those who cares.
aye, all for kinship, friendship, all the bonds that life has created mystically.
look up.
i see the sun rising.
the clear sky and pink clouds.
a beauty.
don't miss them.
alongside are those we care.

back

that feeling.
again.
the radio plays...
down on my bed.
when?
i sleep?

pull me.

down.
pull me.
no strength.
no determination.
down.

monday

wake.
project.
school.
work.
tired.
my day.
my life.

let me...

please.
let me...
do the things i like.
i like too...
can i?

troubled?

i realised.
i am almost totally...
carefree.
i have...
my lovely parents, brudders and friends.
no...
crap relationship, distractions or worries.
damn.
i am kinda good.
troubles?
none.

why can't?

just another soul.
don't wish for...
i just want...
the simplest thing.
you can have it all.
it's ok.
but why can't i?

loser

after so long...
i am still...
a
loser.
damn.
never mind.

miss it.

do you...
ya.
out of stock.
disorientated.
it's there.
for the taking.
too late.
hard luck loser.
try again.

over

sometimes too smart for myself.
think then do...
or...
simply do it.
damn me.
deserve it.
no sympathy.

lazy.

too lazy...
to think.
to work.
to start.
to...
everything.
sleep.

hmmm...

for a moment.
i realise it has really started.

nothing.

this and...
that.
everyone wants everything...
sometimes...
nothingness is...
everything.
i want nothing...
just want...

my pod, my shorts and i.

sick.

a time when burdens you have been shouldering suddenly come crashing down.
body overheated.
head throbbing and spinning.
your muscle feel the fatigue.
breath heavy and hard.
our mind wonder into the far end...
thoughts and images from afar surface.
as your eyes close...
we wish for...
wishing...

burnt.

can never resist.
a day out in the sun.
wherever it is.
the rain of sunshine.
soaking.
enjoying.
burnt.

just like this...

the inevitability to feel.
blessing to some.
curse to others.
the harder we try, the worse it may get.
life's about...
being happy. i always said.
how then, i asked.
like this...

am i...

i made lousy decisions.
i always question and doubt.
or am i just unfortunate.
realise that being nice never pay off.
appreciation are the hardest thing to come by.
the dark side beckon...
or am i selfish.
sometimes everything seem meaningless.
i think that's good.

confession.

i have to admit.
tried and played a couple other games...
still i love tennis.
it's the game.
i still stood in awe by those shots.
may not play a marvellous game.
but still...
i know i will never get enough.

the little green ball. xuxian.

hypnotize.

night is beautiful.
well...most days.
some songs just keep singing.
thoughts and memories come and go.
i am only one.
who?

just something i came across.

rain.

rain they say.
sometimes.
hate it.
puddle in the wet court.
roughness in the seas.
lifeless at home.
rain.
how apt.

lousy.

bad day? i ask.
crap.
and so i ask.
give me a sign.
never.
i say.
the tread i went.
fatigue.
wait.
sleep.
lousy.

stop

it keeps thrashing.
just keep flowing...
stop please.
hate it.
struggle.

the bloom of purity.

day

alarm.
bathe.
bus.
jam.
work.
lunch.
work.
bus.
jam.
home.
dinner.
chill.
tv.
laptop.
rot.
sleep.

there.

every word.
don't speak.
alright.
hanging on.
sitting by...
listen.
breathe.
smell...
the place.

a cup of tea for all.

never mind.

ok.
never mind.
words.
thoughts.
maybe.
selfish.

walk

sun.
sweat.
the flowing air.
a lonesome soul.
across the bridge.
above the sea.
keep walking.
away.
ahead.

Again...

again...
again...
struck from no where.
again.

work.

sit and stare.
as I drifted away.
eyes close and mind blanked.
the brightness of the screen,
a reflection of emptiness.
the worth of nothingness.

Holiday

Life's like fabulous.
Earning that little more income on my own.
Riding the wake,
Feeling the rush.
Skipping around the court,
Getting it down the line.
The sky look beautiful for the moment.
Not seeing it for a while may not be so bad after all.
When it ends and reality surface,
The cycle begins...
Things will start once again where it left off...

Many thanks my old friend...

weekend.

the ache.
the stiffness.
excitement in late night.
melody of music.
stress.
love it.

drown.

drown among busyness.
drown by hope.
source of revival.
diversion of confusion.
just the moment...

mix of disaster and love

what sarah said...

hospital visits suck.
we can do nothing about.
console is all we can do.
people in white always seem busy.
today seem like 3 years ago.
I guess I didn't do enough.
we miss him I guess...
"love is watching someone dies..."?

day...

sitting by...
chilling on...
staring blank...
lying back...
aimless wandering...
missing.
getting.

beginning...

It's time.
darkness to light.
ray of hope upon beaten soul.
shimmers of faith beyond the horizon.
it's time...
revelation.

not far.

as the wave breaks...
the burdens unload.
as water sweeps up the shore,
weariness subside...

to all...

Thanks for the little few that care to visit this blog.
I am sure most of the time you people don't understand what I am writing about.
But that's alright, it's my own shout out and if all understand you would have been called 'xuxian' as well.
Still, ponder over the words that I wrote. Maybe you feel the same at times. Don't ask me what that particular post means that will become meaningless. Meaning are define and comprehend by ourselves.

Thanks once again.
xx.

cycle.

it's revolution.
all start has an end.
up will come down...
heaving that air of relief
when that cycle's complete.

give up.

always wanted to give up.
whatever it is.
somehow never did.
too weak? or too determine?
swallow every single bit.
it goes on i guess......

fatigue

thoughts distracted.
mind confused.
trying hard to no avail.
lost.

significance.

on the break of dawn.
it hits.
fade out...
till the end of dusk.
it lingers.
dominant truth.

befallen desktop.

disenchanted.

melancholic tune sings...
as time slowed...
mind serenade...
on endless moments...

regret.

regret.
on what you did not do?
regret.
on what you have done?
should?

within you.

we seek ourselves.
we interpret ourselves.
we define ourselves.
no one can give.
happiness.

not only in soil, in pot or in bouquet. they bloom everywhere.

weak.

lacking courage.
rationality overwhelm, overrun and triumph.
emotions suffocate, drown.
fade away...

the wait.

staring...
waiting...
suffering.

torrent download

walking along......

coincidence?
fated?
sometimes created.
you.

dilemma...

when you thought you resolve one....
another coil you up.
infinite. struggle. chaos.

the pod...

where music relates the emotions...
where memories of past vision are kept...
a 'lil black companion for cynicism......

love is...

sacrificial without rewards...
sacrificial for selfless happiness...

done that?

go on...

thoughts are evil...
actions are the saviour.

it's me

a shout out from within...

red lego