the truth

2009-02-06T22:00:00.002+08:00

the gardener waters his plants
daily.
care for his plants
always.
is the pot empty?
or it wont grow?
he tries to be happy still.
he hopes.
but...

control.

2009-01-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

i love.
i adore.
i abuse.
freedom.
my discipline.
i control it.

simple.

2009-01-19T22:08:00.001+08:00

life is simple.
really.
we think too much.
the freedom.
make it simple.
it's just so.

have you...

2009-01-08T00:57:00.001+08:00

wonder?
throw us down.
a toy,
like mess.
walk along still.
ABC....
D....

happy

2009-01-05T00:12:00.002+08:00

happy
it's not hard
just be happy
jump
smile
happy
optimistic
that's all.

unknown.

2009-01-04T23:22:00.001+08:00

i don't hear anything
nor
sense anything.
i hate emotions.
i only know...

ABC...

2008-12-22T22:10:00.001+08:00

ABCD....

D

2008-12-06T00:23:00.000+08:00

here with.
in not.
the alphabet D.

then and now

2008-11-27T23:25:00.001+08:00

then before
now after
still...

2008-11-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

jaded.

jaded

2008-10-30T23:08:00.001+08:00

am very.
not me.
aint.

ouch.

2008-09-28T23:41:00.003+08:00

stress when you are.
don't know what is expected
what should i do?
i got no reply too.
this situation repeat.
a vicious cycle.
the expectation misaligned...
sorry. should have done more.

roll?

2008-09-17T23:50:00.001+08:00

a rolling sphere...

cube.

frustration.

2008-09-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

i am a human too.

an invisible

2008-09-08T18:54:00.001+08:00

nothing seen as i stretch out my hand.

lights out.

lost.

as usual.

never mind.

just walk.

the light will come back on.

here.

2008-08-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

missing.
unfamiliar now.
many things leave me dumbfounded.
doubtful.
questions.
unknown.
still. happy.
trying.
hoping.
still...
undecipher.
good luck.

summer??

2008-04-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

motivation.
what motivation?
no one need that
in....
summer!!!

sucks.

2008-04-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

motivation.
zero.

extraction.

2008-04-08T23:28:00.001+08:00

that ache again.
one gone.
the other one?
angry.
pissed.
fear.

the night.

2008-04-04T10:18:00.002+08:00

awaken.
cold.
inscure.
worried.
very worried.
i tried.
but not hard enough?
i will try again then.
head ache now.

the room

2008-03-12T23:24:00.001+08:00

the chair
the light
the mask
the little cup
the drilling starts
the sensation
pain.
swallow.

the mirror

2008-02-24T23:23:00.001+08:00

as i look upon it.
it casts a reflection.
stop.
and stare.
it's going to be different.

never

2008-01-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

lousy.
yes.
trying.
yes.
but.
i should.
stop.
just.
go.

day out

2008-01-25T22:55:00.001+08:00

the water and the sun.
splash.
then.
pain.
pain.
pain.

hold.

2008-01-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

eh eh.
what?
hold on.
why?
wait la.
eh eh.
what?
sold out.
but it was just there.
no.
sold out.
again????

wednesday.

2008-01-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

flip.
rotate.
roll.
splash!
wah!
pain.
woot!

sigh.

2008-01-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

patient.
how long can it last?
threshold.
how much can it takes?
necessity.
drive changes.
it a matter of perspectives.
some never know.

i know.

2008-01-14T23:56:00.000+08:00

i know when.
i know how.
yes...
i know.

oh

2008-01-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

have not written.
for sometime.
forgotten i think.
a lack of inspiration.
with laziness.
sometimes there are things to say
but most times it's best kept.
i don't say much
nor do i reveal much.
that's me.
thanks to many.
and apologies to some.
many things await in the year.
what can they be?
where will i be?
how will i be?
trying...
we will see...

i didn't

2008-01-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

late into night.
early it comes.
no.
i didn't.
not at all.
didn't at all.

let it be...

2007-12-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

the night.
the day.
nothing change.
the river still flows.
so...
let it flows.

dull

2007-12-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

it's holiday.
sleep.
lethargic.
sleep
gym
swim
eat
wakeboard
brain dead.
no inspiration.
aye sleep.
yawn~

dark

2007-12-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

the dark side beckons.
as arrows pierced
nothing we can do.
it falls.
grey out the sky
and dull the mood.
we can only surrender.

someday

2007-12-05T21:18:00.000+08:00

today.
colour was stolen.
in shade of grey, black and white,
rain strike mercilessly on us.
look up.
you wonder when it will stop.
will it stop?
i hope.
rainbow may bloom.
awaiting...

hoping.

2007-11-30T13:09:00.000+08:00

of the summer.
the last.
the next.
always the summer.
missed.
another to come.
will it come?
what will i do?
hoping.
expecting
yearning.
desiring.
yet unsure.

no idea.

2007-11-29T17:31:00.000+08:00

somehow.
never get it.
again.
nevermind.
maybe.
one day?

another?

2007-11-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

another one?
or.
just me?
should.
sleep.
somehow.
i refuse.

out

2007-11-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

it been sometimes.
laid back.
night.
out.
as it plays.
i watched.
aye.
so do stars gaze back?
maybe.

3

2007-11-11T00:50:00.000+08:00

3 years.
an instant.
today.
seem.
yesterday.
that very day.

i can't.

2007-11-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

sorry.
i can't.
don't know how.
don't you just.
hate me.

where's it?

2007-11-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

time.
wasted.
correlation.
zero.
wake.
none.
sucks.

scent

2007-11-08T01:37:00.000+08:00

that butterfly.
a flower.
smell the scent.
familiar and similar.
the flower.

something else...

2007-10-30T21:24:00.001+08:00

this will be slightly longer.
life is....
why this question again? because... that's what are here for.
our thoughts are the damnest, most powerful invention that someone come up with.
we think.
then we contradict.
be strong. we said. but damn we are weak.
move on. we said. but damn we don't.
forgive. we said. no, we hate.
forget. we said. no, it haunts.

a smile or just...
optimism or just...
what's everything for?
what are we for?
for love. we said.
for those who cares.
aye, all for kinship, friendship, all the bonds that life has created mystically.
look up.
i see the sun rising.
the clear sky and pink clouds.
a beauty.
don't miss them.
alongside are those we care.

back

2007-10-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

that feeling.
again.
the radio plays...
down on my bed.
when?
i sleep?

pull me.

2007-10-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

down.
pull me.
no strength.
no determination.
down.

monday

2007-10-16T21:45:00.000+08:00

wake.
project.
school.
work.
tired.
my day.
my life.

let me...

2007-10-11T00:29:00.001+08:00

please.
let me...
do the things i like.
i like too...
can i?

troubled?

2007-10-05T10:07:00.000+08:00

i realised.
i am almost totally...
carefree.
i have...
my lovely parents, brudders and friends.
no...
crap relationship, distractions or worries.
damn.
i am kinda good.
troubles?
none.

why can't?

2007-10-02T21:11:00.000+08:00

just another soul.
don't wish for...
i just want...
the simplest thing.
you can have it all.
it's ok.
but why can't i?

loser

2007-09-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

after so long...
i am still...
a
loser.
damn.
never mind.

miss it.

2007-09-12T23:41:00.001+08:00

do you...
ya.
out of stock.
disorientated.
it's there.
for the taking.
too late.
hard luck loser.
try again.

over

2007-09-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

sometimes too smart for myself.
think then do...
or...
simply do it.
damn me.
deserve it.
no sympathy.

lazy.

2007-09-07T22:45:00.001+08:00

too lazy...
to think.
to work.
to start.
to...
everything.
sleep.

hmmm...

2007-08-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

for a moment.
i realise it has really started.

nothing.

2007-08-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

this and...
that.
everyone wants everything...
sometimes...
nothingness is...
everything.
i want nothing...
just want...

my pod, my shorts and i.

sick.

2007-08-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

a time when burdens you have been shouldering suddenly come crashing down.
body overheated.
head throbbing and spinning.
your muscle feel the fatigue.
breath heavy and hard.
our mind wonder into the far end...
thoughts and images from afar surface.
as your eyes close...
we wish for...
wishing...

burnt.

2007-08-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

can never resist.
a day out in the sun.
wherever it is.
the rain of sunshine.
soaking.
enjoying.
burnt.

just like this...

2007-07-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

the inevitability to feel.
blessing to some.
curse to others.
the harder we try, the worse it may get.
life's about...
being happy. i always said.
how then, i asked.
like this...

am i...

2007-07-18T23:30:00.000+08:00

i made lousy decisions.
i always question and doubt.
or am i just unfortunate.
realise that being nice never pay off.
appreciation are the hardest thing to come by.
the dark side beckon...
or am i selfish.
sometimes everything seem meaningless.
i think that's good.

confession.

2007-07-08T22:18:00.001+08:00

i have to admit.
tried and played a couple other games...
still i love tennis.
it's the game.
i still stood in awe by those shots.
may not play a marvellous game.
but still...
i know i will never get enough.

the little green ball. xuxian.

hypnotize.

2007-07-06T00:45:00.000+08:00

night is beautiful.
well...most days.
some songs just keep singing.
thoughts and memories come and go.
i am only one.
who?

just something i came across.

rain.

2007-06-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

rain they say.
sometimes.
hate it.
puddle in the wet court.
roughness in the seas.
lifeless at home.
rain.
how apt.

lousy.

2007-06-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

bad day? i ask.
crap.
and so i ask.
give me a sign.
never.
i say.
the tread i went.
fatigue.
wait.
sleep.
lousy.

stop

2007-06-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

it keeps thrashing.
just keep flowing...
stop please.
hate it.
struggle.

the bloom of purity.

day

2007-06-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

alarm.
bathe.
bus.
jam.
work.
lunch.
work.
bus.
jam.
home.
dinner.
chill.
tv.
laptop.
rot.
sleep.

there.

2007-06-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

every word.
don't speak.
alright.
hanging on.
sitting by...
listen.
breathe.
smell...
the place.

a cup of tea for all.

never mind.

2007-06-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

ok.
never mind.
words.
thoughts.
maybe.
selfish.

walk

2007-05-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

sun.
sweat.
the flowing air.
a lonesome soul.
across the bridge.
above the sea.
keep walking.
away.
ahead.

Again...

2007-05-19T13:09:00.000+08:00

again...
again...
struck from no where.
again.

work.

2007-05-09T12:05:00.000+08:00

sit and stare.
as I drifted away.
eyes close and mind blanked.
the brightness of the screen,
a reflection of emptiness.
the worth of nothingness.

Holiday

2007-05-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Life's like fabulous.
Earning that little more income on my own.
Riding the wake,
Feeling the rush.
Skipping around the court,
Getting it down the line.
The sky look beautiful for the moment.
Not seeing it for a while may not be so bad after all.
When it ends and reality surface,
The cycle begins...
Things will start once again where it left off...

Many thanks my old friend...

weekend.

2007-04-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

the ache.
the stiffness.
excitement in late night.
melody of music.
stress.
love it.

drown.

2007-04-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

drown among busyness.
drown by hope.
source of revival.
diversion of confusion.
just the moment...

mix of disaster and love

what sarah said...

2007-04-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

hospital visits suck.
we can do nothing about.
console is all we can do.
people in white always seem busy.
today seem like 3 years ago.
I guess I didn't do enough.
we miss him I guess...
"love is watching someone dies..."?

day...

2007-04-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

sitting by...
chilling on...
staring blank...
lying back...
aimless wandering...
missing.
getting.

beginning...

2007-04-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

It's time.
darkness to light.
ray of hope upon beaten soul.
shimmers of faith beyond the horizon.
it's time...
revelation.

not far.

2007-04-11T18:01:00.000+08:00

as the wave breaks...
the burdens unload.
as water sweeps up the shore,
weariness subside...

to all...

2007-04-07T21:31:00.001+08:00

Thanks for the little few that care to visit this blog.
I am sure most of the time you people don't understand what I am writing about.
But that's alright, it's my own shout out and if all understand you would have been called 'xuxian' as well.
Still, ponder over the words that I wrote. Maybe you feel the same at times. Don't ask me what that particular post means that will become meaningless. Meaning are define and comprehend by ourselves.

Thanks once again.
xx.

cycle.

2007-04-05T20:10:00.000+08:00

it's revolution.
all start has an end.
up will come down...
heaving that air of relief
when that cycle's complete.

give up.

2007-04-02T18:31:00.000+08:00

always wanted to give up.
whatever it is.
somehow never did.
too weak? or too determine?
swallow every single bit.
it goes on i guess......

fatigue

2007-04-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

thoughts distracted.
mind confused.
trying hard to no avail.
lost.

significance.

2007-03-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

on the break of dawn.
it hits.
fade out...
till the end of dusk.
it lingers.
dominant truth.

befallen desktop.

disenchanted.

2007-03-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

melancholic tune sings...
as time slowed...
mind serenade...
on endless moments...

regret.

2007-03-22T21:22:00.000+08:00

regret.
on what you did not do?
regret.
on what you have done?
should?

within you.

2007-03-21T13:19:00.000+08:00

we seek ourselves.
we interpret ourselves.
we define ourselves.
no one can give.
happiness.

not only in soil, in pot or in bouquet. they bloom everywhere.

weak.

2007-03-18T12:12:00.000+08:00

lacking courage.
rationality overwhelm, overrun and triumph.
emotions suffocate, drown.
fade away...

the wait.

2007-03-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

staring...
waiting...
suffering.

torrent download

walking along......

2007-03-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

coincidence?
fated?
sometimes created.
you.

dilemma...

2007-03-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

when you thought you resolve one....
another coil you up.
infinite. struggle. chaos.

the pod...

2007-03-13T19:25:00.000+08:00

where music relates the emotions...
where memories of past vision are kept...
a 'lil black companion for cynicism......

love is...

2007-03-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

sacrificial without rewards...
sacrificial for selfless happiness...

done that?

go on...

2007-03-12T21:15:00.001+08:00

thoughts are evil...
actions are the saviour.

it's me

2007-03-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

a shout out from within...

red lego